Language Barrier
by Sweetums128neo
Summary: Zim's Pak is broken, and he enlists' Dib's help. However, much to the Irken's dismay, nothing ever goes according to plan. ZaDR, multi-chap! Rated M! Ch1 and 2 are up! :
1. Chapter 1

"I'm naked! I'M NAAAAAAKEEEED!"

"NO GIR! NOOO! PUT THAT DOWN!"

A loud crash resonated throughout the kitchen area of the would-be Irken invader, Zim. His insane minion giggled loudly, as he continued to cause trouble.

" DEAR TALLEST, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

"MILKSHAKE TIME!"

There was a loud screech, a pig running off of the kitchen table and into the living room to hide beneath the couch. Where it was immediately eaten by the mutating ferret. Can't win 'em all.

"Aw, mah pig…" the little robot sniffed, chewing on some glue sticks. Which were promptly snatched away by Zim, whom towered over the defective Sir unit.

"Jeeze! No more cherry suckmonkeys for you…" Zim grimaced, before commanding loudly, "Clean that mess up, Gir. NOW!"

The robot saluted as his eyes flashed crimson, before running off to attempt to clean the mess in the kitchen. One wouldn't want to get caught in there right now, to be sure.

"Do you even know how loud you are?" came the bored voice of his computer. "That seriously frazzles my wires."

"Psh." Zim scoffed loudly, "Zim is not loud! ZIM IS ALMIGHTY!"

A loud sigh emitted from nowhere yet everywhere. "You can't keep quiet for five minuets, can you?" If the computer had temples, it'd be rubbing them to try and fight off the electronic headache that was forming.

But it did not.

Instead he sighed again, saying, " Y'know , that voice of yours will seriously get you in trouble one of these days…"

"Nonsense, everyone LOVES my voice. And my fist." He looked down to a gloved hand and turned randomly. Gir happened to be standing in the doorway to the small kitchen, covered in something purple. Chewing on the wooden end on the mop, large cerulean eyes blinked at Zim. "YOU! OBEY THE FIST!" Said fist was shaken at the small Sir unit, and he squealed insanely before latching himself to Zim's head.

"THE WEENIES! THE WEEENIIEEEEESS!" he roared, moving to stand atop Zim's head and tap-dance. Zim allowed his lekku to lower, growling at his stupid sidekick.

"GIR! GET OFF! NOOOW!" he yelled, wincing and yelping as Gir began chewing on one of his lekku. Scratching at the robot's legs, Gir merely giggled before diving into Zim's uniform.

Zim stumbled around, effectively knocking over a few choice things in his kitchen, and the teevee that Gir often watched. Not surprisingly the green monkey painting did not even swing slightly after Zim had ran into it repeatedly trying to get Gir off of his head.

Finally Gir dove off his master's cranium…and right into his Pak.

Messing with a panel, he dove in and shut it.

Zim panicked, and before he could register or eject Gir from his Pak, something snapped within it before Zim was electrocuted violently. The Irken passed out on the floor, lekku going limp almost immediately as Gir poked his head out from within the Pak.

Blinking, he crawled out from his master's Pak as he sat in front of the now unconscious Irken. Poking him a few times for good measure, he hopped off.

After about twenty minuets or so of tons of noise, crashing, and a small explosion, Gir skidded back into the living room. Throwing a dark blue blanket with little green U.F.O.s printed on it over Zim, Gir leaned down planting a kiss to the top of his head.

Closing his eyes and squeaking with his tongue sticking out, he giggled grabbing a squeaky moose and a new cherry suckmonkey. Oh…so much fun to be had, so little time!


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: OMG KYO IS UPDATING SOMETHING? WTF IS THIS SHIT?

-ducks from the random bits of crap being thrown at her- I'M SORRY DON'T HURT MEH. ;; This is actually a new chapter for the unnamed story. xD I'll run it through my beta Dez the next chance I get and see if she can give me a name for it. I fail in that aspect. ;w; Sorry. Anyways ON TO THE SECOND CHAPTEEEEER! –flies off on a rainbow pig-

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Zim awoke with a groan, his head pounding roughly from passing out so suddenly. He laid there a moment, trying to remember what exactly had happened before he had been knocked out. There was…him screaming. And then Gir being crazy. That wasn't helpful, Gir was always crazy. But... His Pak gave a sudden and loud whir as if it was restarting something and Zim sat up suddenly. That's right! That little monstrosity had gotten into his Pak and had…and had done…_something_. Standing suddenly, he wobbled and groaned aloud again as he held his head. Pak giving a soft whir, it began to administer some painkillers to help the headache he had. Taking a few deep breaths to steady himself and rid his head of the dizzy feeling, he looked around. Well this place sure was a mess.

"_GIR! GET IN HERE NOW AND CLEAN THIS UP!_" he yelled. Gir appeared from another room, wearing the suckmonkey upon his head like a hat and carrying another pig from who knows where. Blinking large, cerulean eyes like before, he squealed and jumped atop Zim's head mumbling something about moon men. Growling, Zim barked, "_Get off my head GIR! NOW!_" Surprisingly, the malfunctioning SIR unit flopped off of Zim, lying on the ground with his eyes crimson.

"Yes, my master!" he said, saluting from the ground. Standing up, he began cleaning up the living area quickly and in moments it was as if the incident had never happened. Giving a happy giggle, eyes now bright and blue once more he ran off into the kitchen to make a mess in there. Zim had watched quietly, eyebrows furrowed in concentration and suspicion.

The day went along as uneventful as usual, the weekend ending and Skool starting up again. Zim skipped most of his classes during the day, only showing up for lunch really. Dib was sitting at a table by himself as per the usual arrangements, and as he watched Zim get his lunch he waved him over to sit across from him. Zim tolerated it just enough so that they could sit across from one another but Dib had yet to test his patience with sitting next to him. He didn't feel that adventurous today…

"Hey Zim. Where've you been most of the day?" he asked curiously, glancing down at what was supposed to be ravioli. He could've sworn he saw it move.

"_None of your business, stink-baby._" Zim replied smugly. Dib glanced back at Zim, raising a brow.

"What?"

"_You heard me, Dib-stink. I cannot waste my time explaining myself to you._" He said, popping some Irken-brand chips into his mouth, chewing slowly as he watched Dib stare at him as if he was being more insane than usual. "_What?_"

Dib shook his head, scratching at the base of his neck in confusion. "Look, Zim. I dunno if you think this is a good practical joke or something, 'cause it's not. Really, think of something better than speaking gibberish at me." Rolling his eyes, he attempted to trap one of the 'Ravioli' before it could squirm away.

"_Gibberish? YOU CALL THE MIGHTY ZIM'S WORDS GIBBERISH?" _He screamed, glaring at Dib. Dib winced, as people turned to stare at the two.

"Jesus, I have no idea what you're saying. Just stop attracting more attention than you usually do." He said, glaring back. Zim stared hard, before looking around.

"_You can't…understand what I'm saying…?"_ he questioned. He got his answer as Dib raised a brow at him and munched quietly on some carrots. Zim sat back down, before he told his Pak to do a quick scan to see if anything was off. Zim's eyes blanked out, information flashing before his vision. Dib watched with fascination.

"Zim…?" he piped up. Zim's eyes shut then opened again, his face lighting up with a realization and slight anger. Producing a piece of paper and pen from his Pak, he scribbled something onto it quickly, folded it, and then tossed it at Dib's head. Grumbling in an annoyed fashion, Dib glared at Zim before opening the note:

**Dib, meet me at my base after school. We have something important to discuss! DO IT!**

Raising the other eyebrow at the note, he looked up to ask questions only to see that Zim wasn't even sitting there anymore. Sighing, he noticed there was something written in parenthesis:

**(Oh. This note will also explode in 15 seconds.)**

Eyes widening, he scrambled to put it somewhere, anywhere before he seized his backpack, stuffed it in the pocket and zipped it shut. Suddenly there was a loud "BOOM" and the bag shook violently before some sort of fumes began to leak from the pocket, the zippers beginning to corrode and melt away.

"…I'm gonna need a new backpack now."

Thanks to Zim's exploding note, despite having to get a new backpack (and a new everything that had been in it), school had been successfully cancelled because the janitors didn't know what to do with the smoke. It had decided that it wanted to stick around long after they had opened the doors and all windows that hadn't been rusted shut. Grumbling to himself, he trudged towards Zim's "home" reluctantly, letting his thoughts wander to something more interesting at hand.

Walking up the path, eyeing the gnomes uneasily as the bulging orbs followed him, he knocked at the door quickly. There was a shuffle, before a few squeaks upon the floor were heard, the door flying open.

"HI MILKMAN! MASTAH WAS 'BOUT TO GO SEE YOU!" roared the suit-clad robot. Raising a brow at the little sir unit, he heard a sudden growl, Zim shouting at Gir in that same gibberish as earlier, before grabbing him by the ears and throwing him away and onto the floor; landing in front of the T.V. he sat there a moment before spinning in a circle on the ground.

"Hey Zim…" Dib said, moving carefully into the space of what humans would consider the "living room" of the home. Zim looked to Dib; he wasn't in his disguise any more, magenta eyes narrowed as he moved away with his arms folded. Dib followed after, closing the front door quietly.

After a barked command from Zim, Dib heard the computer sigh-sigh? Since when did computers sigh?-and lowered a black screen with a green blinking cursor. Zim began speaking again, and Dib turned back to listen even though he had no idea what was being said. Zim paused, glowering before pointing at the screen in irritation. Dib looked up, eyes scanning the words as Zim spoke.

"**As you can see, I'm not speaking English. The other day, Gir got into my Pak and thoroughly fucked up my language program. The only one that got messed up was my English drive. I tried to get my computer to fix it, but the damage is too extensive. And I can't work on my Pak in 5 minuet intervals; that would be tedious and I'd waste too much time. Gir messed it up, and I don't want him even looking at me for the moment, so…**"

Dib moved molten gold eyes to read more, but there was none so he turned back to Zim who was looking away, cheeks light blue. Zim spoke again, quietly, and Dib turned to look at the screen once more.

"**So, I need assistance. You're the only other person on Earth that has as much knowledge about Paks-my Pak-as I do.**"

The writing stopped, and Dib looked back down to Zim.

"So…you're asking me to help fix your Pak?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. Zim had looked up now, and despite the small bit of heat on his cheeks, he nodded once with eyes cold. He was trying to look stoic, and not to look so weak and pathetic as he must of felt. Dib wanted to laugh, but he knew he wouldn't…he had never been one to take advantage of Zim when he was disabled in some way…

But he couldn't help but ask; "What do I get out of it if I do?"

Zim narrowed his eyes, speaking harshly, "**You'll keep your filthy life. That should be plenty for you.**"

It wasn't the words flashing across the screen that frightened Dib; the way he said it in his native tongue made it sound so many more times threatening than he could have ever made it sound in English. Dib held up his hands, sorry he'd asked.

"Alright, alright! I'll repair your Pak…" Dib said, sighing as he rubbed his temples gently. Zim, looking pleased with himself, dismissed the screen with a flick of his wrist and turned abruptly as Dib followed him. A few minutes later of riding downwards, they reached what looked to be his main lab, and Zim hopped onto a table, lying down on his stomach. He felt vulnerable, but the computer was keeping a close eye on Dib and what he was doing.

Positioning himself next to the table, Dib flexed his fingers as he popped open the largest panel on his Pak. Looking around, he spotted a cart with the different tools he needed, rolling it to sit next to him. Zim's lekku twitched nervously, as he did his best to stay calm. He'd only ever worked on his Pak, and obviously it hadn't been attached him while doing so. He was mostly afraid that it would hurt, but he really hoped that he wouldn't be able to feel a thing.

Dib worked on some of the wires for a while, occasionally asking the computer how he was doing. The computer world either answer "Fine." or give him instructions on how to improve.

As Dib fiddled with a wire, something bright within the Pak caught his eye. Amongst the white, grey, and black wires was a bright pink one laying innocently under the rest. Parting the other wires carefully, he pulled gently on it to see it better.

Zim had long ago spaced out, until he felt a shock go down his back, leaving his nether regions tingling slightly. Biting his lip, he screwed his eyes shut as Dib rolled the wire between his forefinger and thumb. The pink wire wasn't connected to Zim's Pak on both ends; the end that wasn't connected looked to have a pink rubber slip to protect the wire running through it.

Stroking it slightly, he could've sworn it was pulsing in his grip. Running his thumb over the tip, he let go of the wire suddenly, pulling his thumb away, something clear and sticky following after in a string. Making a disgusted face at the sticky stuff, Dib asked the computer to identify it.

There was some beeping, before the computer said, "Substance identified. However, information is password-protected. Password?"

Dib thought a moment, before sighing, "No password…identify substance properties?"

"That I think I can do." the computer buzzed, beeping a few times. A few minutes passed, before it spoke up again, "Substance is sticky, thick, and clear. Substance is edible; safe for human consumption. There is no set taste; it will taste of the Irken's favorite sweet drink."

"What? Seriously?" Dib looked as his thumb again, before hesitantly sucking the cooled substance off his finger. "Mmm…strange. I don't know what this is…but it's tasty…" he murmured around the digit, before coming to another conclusion. "I think it's supposed to be a carbonated drink. It tastes flat." The computer beeped, making a "hmm" sound.

"Yes. It tastes best from the source," it said in a "duh" tone. Dib gave it a cross look, hesitantly looking back down at the wire.

Zim was spaced out to the extreme, calmly relaxed with his lekku slicked back against his head. He hadn't been paying attention to the conversation; he was trying to bring himself away from the situation as much as he could. He trusted the computer to take care of everything else, despite it's usual attitude. He had been glad the Dib had stopped touching that wire; he didn't know what it was or why it was there, but every time Dib had touched it and rolled it between his fingers…well…

Zim shivered at the thought, before his breath caught in his throat and eyes going wide. What the fuck was that? Hot, hot, hot…! And…wet…and…auurgh…!

Dear Irk! WHY was he letting the human LICK the fucking thing?

Zim's eyes shut as his body became very hot, crotch tingling with the sensation of Dib licking the wire. Dib was pleasantly surprised to taste that the liquid seemed to be carbonated even though he couldn't feel any bubbled on his tongue. Holding onto the wire with two fingers and a thumb, he continued to lick at it happily, enjoying himself far too much to really realize what he was doing.

All the while, Zim stayed as quiet as he could with his face burning and buried in his arms, lekku quivering violently. The inexperienced Irken was feeling far too much pleasure to remember anything around him, let alone who was actually doing this to him any longer. A small whimper escaped his throat as he squirmed ever-so-slightly. Dib took no notice, as he let some of the liquid pool on the tip of the wire, before sucking it off happily. Another whimper, his body teetering on the edge as sweat poured down his face. Zim murmured to himself in Irken, spitting out the first name that came to mind.

"_Dib…!_"

The sound of his name laden with the thick Irken accent startled Dib, biting down softly on the edge of the sensitive pink wire. Suddenly something hot and thick squirted into his mouth, Dib dropping the wire and pulling away with surprise. Oblivious to Zim's labored breathing and slight shaking, he held the liquid in his mouth before swallowing against his better judgment. It tasted just like what he had been tasting earlier, but with a slightly sweeter taste, more sugary.

Dib smacked his lips together, licking off the little bit he'd gotten on his lips, looking over to Zim. Suddenly, weapons of all sorts shot up and out of the Pak, all aimed at Dib. Before thinking twice, Dib turned tail and ran out of instinct; he was too used to having weapons pointed at him, but Dib knew better than to think that Zim wouldn't shoot.

Letting himself into the elevator, he left quickly.

Zim didn't bother moving after Dib had left, laying there still as stone besides the occasional flicker of a lekku. Only after the computer had said in a monotone that it'd been two hours since Dib had left did he sit up. Swinging his feet over the side of the table, he wiped angrily at the pearly white liquid dripping down his face, jumping down to busy himself with something else to forget the violation.

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A/N: BWAHA. Lmao, I hope you guys like this. 3 Kukukuku…

Reviews please!


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